Gamer

Movie Rating: R for Intense Violence, Strong Sexual Content, Language -- definitely not a movie for the family

Movie Reviewer: FishMonkey

Snack/Bathroom Break: Anytime - this movie is awful!

Review:

The plot of the movie seems simple: Classic bad guy trying for world domination, and classic good guy framed by bad guy just trying to get home and back to his family. However, they managed to screw up such an easy plot!

Although action starts off right away with military-like battles, the story really doesn't develop until 30-40 minutes into the movie. Needless to say, the beginning of the movie is a little confusing and hard to follow. Some fighting scenes are OK, but nothing spectacular. A lot of the sexual content and nudity could have been deleted because it really doesn't contribute to the movie's plot. Seemed so gratuitous that it detracted from the movie.

Lots of famous actors and actresses are in this movie, so maybe I was expecting too much. However, I went with my 20 year old neice and 17 year old nephew, neither of which could follow or enjoy this movie. Overall, we gave this movie a bad rating. Not sure I'd even spend the money to rent this one.

Inglorious (sic) Basterds

This is from a thread from my Facebook account.

NO BANANA RATING SINCE THIS WAS NOT YES ACTUALLY SEEN

Facebook Stream About Inglorious (sic) Basterds

Sue: FYI, Inglorious Basterds (sic) is not a comedy....
Sandra: No. No, it's not.
Lori: Thank you soooo much for the review!! My DARLING husband is INSISTING we see that tomorrow.....instead of.....Julie and Julia.....DUH. Now I have AMMUNITION!!
Ron: Oh man, chick flick or an good action movie. I guess you lost on that one Sue
Sue: We actually we left early in the movie and went to see Woodstock
Abigail: My in-laws said it and said it was unnecessarily violent. : -/
Abigail: ** Sue, You saw it?!?
Sue: ... then we chose well to leave!
Abigail: Do you hate that they misspelled "bastards?"
Sue: yes--that is why I had to put the (sic)--I didn't want people to think I spelled it wrong!
Paula: Too funny, Sue. That's something I would do!

WebMonkey: This review breaks format, but I thought that it would provide useful feedback for those considering the movie.

District 9

Movie Rating: R for violence

Movie Reviewer: FishMonkey

Snack/Bathroom Break: Anytime - kind of pointless

Review:

This movie was so bad for me, I just couldn't seem to review it. I like Sci-Fi movies, however, my imagination has a hard time enjoying this one. I must be more of a Trekkie.

District 9 starts out with Aliens being held in a large concentration camp. The camp is going to be moved and scientists are going around collecting signatures of Aliens being evicted. Why would they have to collect signatures? How ridiculous!!! The Aliens are in a concentration camp!!!

The camera work at the start was dizzying and poor. I'm not sure what special effect was being created. The fact that I had to read subtitles when Aliens were speaking was annoying.

The real story was about an Alien becoming friends with a human. The Aliens are trying to return home and a human tries to help. The ending leaves no doubt for second movie.

(dripping sarcasm) I just can't wait.

I really can't say anything good about this movie except for some of the special high tech Alien weapons, which were pretty cool. I have no idea why other professional reviewers liked this movie!

A Perfect Getaway

Movie Rating: Rated R for graphic violence, language including sexual references and some drug use

Movie Reviewer: FishMonkey

Review:

I haven't seen a mystery, "who done it", movie for a while, so I really liked this one. It was not predictable and kept you guessing as to who was the murderer.

The premise of the movie is: Newlyweds go to a tropical paradise on their honeymoon. What could be more romantic or mysterious? Throw in a double murder!! There are multiple other couples of different personalities, all of whom could be the suspected killers. (This movie will really have you wondering," Who are the killers?!?!") There are day dreams and flashbacks that characters experience at certain times in the movie, which give insight and explain a character's or couple's background.

Also, the scenery is beautiful, just like what you would expect from an island paradise. Waterfalls, steep cliffs, and beautiful beaches are all here to see.

Overall this movie is really entertaining. Keeps you on your toes and makes you think. The ending is exciting and fitting. Check it out.

The Time Traveler's Wife

Rating: PG-13 for minor nudity

Movie Reviewer: WebMonkey

Snack/Bathroom Break: You can take a bathroom break almost anywhere along the story, since each segment tends to stand on itself. If a scene doesn't catch your interest: That's the time to take a break. If you need a specific time... how 'bout when he shows up naked... no that won't work.... When he shows up naked in the library. That'll work.

Review: I've gotta admit, when someone recommended the book to me, I read it, although I didn't make it all the way through. It was an interesting premise, although REALLY hard to follow. It's a cerebral love story.

As shown on the previews, it's about a guy who spontaneously changes his position along the timeline and even changes his age. He falls in love, and there is our story line.

It just wasn't possible to do justice to the book with The Movie because the story is so complex to begin with. While the movie was OK, if you haven't read the book you will be completely lost several times during the movie. If you really REALLY loved the book, I recommend you see the movie because it did some interesting things with pieces of the story. If you've never read the book (or, like me, just thought it was "OK") I recommend that you spend your night out with a different movie.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for Intense Violence

Movie Reviewer: LocoMonkey

Snack/Bathroom Break: When they are fighting in Paris -- you have about 10 minutes. There's lots of actions, but no necessary information given then.

Review: Okay, so I grew up with GI Joe the cartoon, but I never really watched it much. And, I really didn't have a huge urge to see this movie. But even though I went because all my friends were going, it turns out that I really liked it! Once again, this movie is like "Transformers," so if you expect it to be life-changing, you'll be disappointed. However, if you just want a few hours of escape, and you like action, this is the movie for you!

The premise is really simple: good guys (G.I. Joes) are trying to stop the bad guys (lots of them) from launching weapons of mass destruction. The movie is pretty much a full 2 hours of constant action, but since the battles keep changing, the movie still moves along. Parts of it reminded me of "Star Wars" with all the good fighting evil (and drones, and the bad guy being in white and the good guy being in black, etc.), but I don't think this will be a classic movie in the same way. Just fun. That's why it's a "good" but not "great" rating from me.

One caveat: This movie has quite a bit of violence, so you may want to avoid showing this to children, or people who hate violence. Personally, I hate watching violence, so I closed my eyes a bit, but was still able to see most of the movie and understand what was going on.

ADAM

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for thematic material, sexual content and language.

Reviewed by: QuasarMonkey

Snack/Bathroom Break time: when Beth takes Adam to a party at her friend’s house (about halfway through the movie)

Review: Adam is a sweet and thoughtful movie. Most people probably don’t know what Asperger’s Syndrome is unless they’ve watched the TV show Boston Legal. Unlike that off-the-wall comedy, this movie gives us a gentle peek into a young man’s life with Asperger’s Syndrome. The movie moves at a moderate but steady pace in plot and character development. Adam’s awkward but brilliant character is counterbalanced by the “normal” and intuitive Beth. As their lives intertwine, they find a special strength in their friendship that helps them face some significant life events. The movie draws a beautiful picture of the basic human need for love shown through loyalty, honesty and grace while drawing healthy boundaries.

The movie was not too dramatic, but did manage to evoke a gasp of surprise, a small sniffle, and a few good genuine laughs from the audience including one really funny reference to a big box office hit (15 years ago) with a similar theme. :)

All in all, it was a pleasant movie and reminds me of watching a time-lapse video of a simple but pretty flower blossoming steadily from a bud into full bloom and then closing as the sun sets. It’s a nice change of pace from all the high impact special effects and action movies that appeal to our external senses, as the movie speaks to our heart by reminding us to be patient, loving and honest with each other. Although it is rated PG-13, it is a modest movie.

I recommend this enjoyable movie with a GOOD banana!

Taken

Movie Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of violence

Reviewed by: KingFuMonkey

Bathroom/snack breaks: Best bet is to buy the DVD and use the pause button on your remote control. Aside from that, the car chase scene where the father tries to escape goes on a bit long.

Review: I don't know if it's because I love martial arts, but I really love brutal justice. I like to see bad guys eat the pavement. I love it more when they are are forced to eat seconds if they try to mouth off to the cook. I love it even more when the protagonist is doing it for a good reason. And what better reason is there than for rescuing your daughter?

This movie is a classic chase/action movie. There are plenty of thrills to be had here, and I was particularly on the edge of my seat as he began to close in on his daughter's location. Ah, but before I spill any more beans, let me tell you a little bit about the movie.

Bryan Mills, the main protagonist, is worthy of "father-of-the-year." He is played by Liam Neeson, who portrays a loving father, and then switches over to a calm and methodical killer; as he goes after a sex trafficking cartel who had kidnapped his daughter. Within a day, he on the streets of Paris, looking for clues. He explores the seedy underbelly of crime-ridden Europe, kicking butt and taking names along the way as he works his way through criminals, crooked cops, and corrupt politicians.

After watching this movie, I wanted to BE this guy. The action in the movie was so great, and the story so well paced, that there are hardly any breaks in action. Even then, in between action, there are tense moments as he repeatedly goes into the lion's den of organized crime to gather information. The only time I lost interest was during the car chase scene where he tries to escape. It wasn't bad, but it dragged on a bit longer than I would have liked. I'm going to give it: "That is one freakin' GREAT banana."

-KungFu Monkey

The Ugly Truth

Snack/Bathroom Break Time: Anytime, really...

Movie Rating: Rated: R - language is consistently crude

Reviewer: PsychoMonkey

Review: So, I love Gerry Butler. Like, you have no idea, really, how much I have been looking forward to this movie. I saw some previews that were pretty raunchy, but I was hoping they were the only really lewd scenes. Turns out I was wrong. At it's base, The Ugly Truth is just another romantic comedy, which generally works for me.

The story is cute, I love the characters, and it's a good ending (it always is!). But the constant sex jokes and language got to be really too much. Some of it was uncomfortably amusing, but most was over-the-top and gratuitous. But, it did have Gerry Butler (which is a very redeeming quality!) and the storyline was good.

If you like sex jokes, or are a guy, you'll probably love this movie. If you like Gerry but don't fall into those other categories, you'll should probably go, but will sit through it thinking, "Why, Gerry, why?" If none of the above categories fit you, I wouldn't bother.

- PsychoMonkey

Julie & Julia

Movie Rating: PG-13

REVIEW #1

Reviewer: PsychoMonkey

Snack/Bathroom Break Time: When Julia's husband goes off to D.C by himself

Review: I LOVED this movie! It's the simultaneous true stories of Julia Child and a girl named Julie who blogs her way through Julia's recipe book in one year. I'm not normally a fan of biographies because they tend to be dry in the character development area, but not this one! The actors did an amazing job portraying what I imagine the real people to be like, and I really enjoyed both the main characters, as well as their husbands. It made me want to be Julia Child when I "grow up"! LOL There were randomly more sex scenes than I would have thought, but because both were married throughout the movie, it was OK. There wasn't a ton of relationship drama, either, which was nice. I did not go into this thinking I would like it very much (it was just a free ticket!), but there were so many scenes that made me genuinely laugh out loud.

The only thing that keeps Julie and Julia from being a perfect banana is the length. It does get really long (so don't buy any large sodas!), and the story starts to drag a little. I was also hoping for a bit of a better ending, but since it's a biography, I guess you can't do much about that. :-)

REVIEW #2

Reviewer: LocoMonkey

Snack/Bathroom Break Time: At a dinner party when Julia is wearing a big heart on her shirt, and at the wedding.

Okay, I had quite a different reaction than PsychoMonkey. I clapped at the end of the movie, but only because it was finally over!!

First off, I really wanted to see this movie. I love to cook, and I think Amy Adams is always fun to watch in a movie. I also remember hearing all about Julie's blog. I was all set to have fun. And for the first hour, I did. Meryl Streep does an amazing job imitating Julia Child's voice and mannerisms. Amy Adams as Julie was endearing. But this is a full 2 hour movie -- not including previews -- and by about minute 81 I was done. At that point, I found Meryl's version of Julia to be overly played and her voice made me want to gnaw my arm off just to distract myself. The drama just moved so painfully slow. And it's not that you expect any serious twist or turns from a movie like this, and it's not that you even expect much of a plot or storyline. But when you drag out a simple premise for two hours, it's downright painful...

One caveat -- I have never read the book about Julia Child so it was interesting to see how she got her start, and the true romance with her husband. If you have read Julia's biography, then maybe you'll enjoy this movie more than I did.

Harry Potter 6 - Half Blood Prince

REVIEW #1

Reviewer: PsychoMonkey

Snack/Bathroom Break Time: At Christmas, when they're exchanging gifts

HP6 was enjoyable. I like the books and movies in the Harry Potter series, but am not the person who lives for them nor revisits them again and again. That aside, it was fun and was a good movie, very much in line with every other one in the series. If you enjoyed them, go see the sixth installment. If not, well... don't. :-)

REVIEW #2

Reviewer: WebMonkey

Bathroom breaks: First, at the start of Professor Slughorn's dinner party, and second, when Ron is struck dumb at how beautiful the moon is. Both are cute scenes, but really don't tie into the rest of the movie.

Review: I had a slightly different reaction to the movie than PsychoMonkey had. My overall rating is marginal, only because of the failure to fully develop the plot; but will I buy the movie and watch it again? ABSOLUTELY.

As you might expect, the movie does not cover the story in nearly the depth and detail that you get when you read the book. That being said, and knowing that there will be more holes than a good Swiss cheese, the movie was pretty good. As an avid Harry Potter fan (owner of the books, books on tape AND the movies) I enjoyed reliving the Half Blood Prince. It covered the high points, and you got a sense of who the good guys and the bad guys were, although the relationships between them are not explained. There are also entire characters missing from the movie... but like I said: If you don't expect an eight hour movie to cover the nearly seven hundred page book, it was a good movie and worth seeing.

If you are a hopeless Harry Potter fan, reread the prior book (Order of the Phoenix) and the Half Blood Prince before seeing the movie in order to know who MIGHT be in love with who, and who hates who, and why. If you are new to Harry Potter, you should watch the movies in sequence; it will be well worth your time. If you don't have time for that, at least watch the previous movie, Order of the Phoenix.

- WebMonkey

Moon

Reviewer: KungFu Monkey

Movie Rating: R for Strong Language

Bathroom break: New information pertaining to the plot comes around quite often, so you have to be quick. The best time to go is when Sam heads out on his Lunar vehicle to harvest the He3.

Review: Let me tell you why this movie is worth your pocket change.

The story (without spoilers) goes like this: in the future, a company has found a highly effective and clean fuel on the moon known as Helium 3. A man is sent by the company to mine the material. His days are long and lonely, with only an A.I. program, who goes by the name Gerty, to keep him company. Working under a three year contract, he is only two weeks away from completing his contract when things start going wrong.

This movie screamed "2001: A Space Odyssey" at me the entire time I watched it, but rattled me more than most horror movies tend to do. There is something about the cold, deadly, isolation of space that seems to make things more threatening, and the characters more vulnerable. The amount of suspense is great as well, because if you go in having seen "2001" already, you become suspicious and paranoid of whatever surrounds the main character. Is Gerty malfunctioning and becoming a psycho robot? Is Sam just truly going crazy? Is it all a dream? Why did Micheal Jackson's "Moonwalk" consist of walking backwards, when that is not what walking on the moon looks like at all? So many questions...

This movie was full of clever plot twists that kept it fun and exciting. I went with two other friends who said they loved it, but felt it was a little slow. However, I think that watching "2001: A Space Odyssey" really prepped me for the movie. I suggest watching that first before you see this.

So why did I give it a good banana and not a great banana? There are some moments where it does slow down and there are some plot holes and questions that don't seem to be answered.

- KungFuMonkey

Bruno

Movie Rating: Originally NC-17 rating - Revised to R

Reviewer: KungFuMonkey

Snack/Bathroom Break: anytime that Bruno is talking with his sidekick about what to do next is as good a time as any

Review: Once when I was in the Philippines I happened to drive by a mother who was letting her daughter lead the way on a leash. She paused to let her daughter drop a deuce right in the middle of a crowded park and I could scarcely believe my eyes. I recoiled in horror, wondering if I really saw what just happened. Then, I laughed raucously as I told my friends about it later.

Yeah, this movie is pretty much just like that. The movie shocks you so much that it doesn't dawn on you later how hilarious it is. It is definitely not a movie for kindly little old ladies. This movie is for a younger element who can appreciate crude humor. As for me, it was a little too crude at parts and had me gagging at certain points.

There are definitely some things I wish I could "un-see" from this movie, but there are some hilarious things to share around the water cooler if your office has one. The actors create a very believable farce that fools everyone around them and you have to wonder how in the world they managed to keep a straight face or even managed to survive filming.

In the end, I say "See it if you dare." Just a warning though for the faint of heart or those who don't appreciate a silver screen full of man's wang: you just might wish you could scrub and gouge your eyes out.

- KungFuMonkey

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

Movie Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences

Reviewer: LocoMonkey

Snack/Bathroom Break Time: When the Decepticons are trying to extract info from Sam in a warehouse

Review: So the professional reviewers didn't seem to like this movie, but I enjoyed the 2.5 hours of escapism. Granted, the ending fight scene seemed to drag on a little too long and the movie was a little predictable, but I liked being able to escape hearing about Michael Jackson and the crazy Phoenix heat! I went to see it because I liked the first movie, but even if you haven't seen the first one, you'll still understand the second.

Good points:

• easy plot to follow, especially with my brain being fried from the heat
• guys will enjoy Megan Fox, gals will like Josh Duhamel
• a good inspiring line when Optimus Prime says, "Fate rarely calls on us at a moment of our choosing"
• the funny twin robots that add some cute lines

Bad points:

• 2.5 hours is long, especially when you need to go to the bathroom!
• as I said before, the fight scene at the end was a little long
• no amazing emotional connection to warrant a perfect banana

- LocoMonkey

The Soloist

Movie Rating: PG-13 for thematic elements - Drug use and Language

Reviewer: WebMonkey

Snack/Bathroom Break: the first time the Soloist plays the cello under the overpass.

Review: I attended The Soloist without knowing ANYTHING about what I was going to see. I happened to see a friend walking down the street and joined them for a movie. That was it.

The movie has (what I consider) a plot that hangs together loosely, and as such was worth of my time, but what impressed me was the insight into mental illness with which I left the theater.

I know it's won awards and stuff like that, but as far as a movie I think that I'd rate it a good banana. Worth seeing though.

Oh... A good time for a quick break is the first time that The Soloist starts to play the cello under the overpass. You will miss some nice music, but nothing that is pertinent to the plot.

Movie Monkeys Invade Phoenix - Our Rating System

It was a dark and stormy night. Somewhere in the distance a strange howl penetrated the constant rustling of the leaves littering the street. The street lamp went out and two eyes peered out of the darkness - fireflies against the night. A massive shapeless form emerged from behind the eyes, long arms dangling like sausages... the kind usually hanging in the windows of butcher stores, except not little links, but rather one big fat link... with fingers... anyway...

The great ape said "Welcome to Movie Monkey Reviews!!!"

Here is our rating system:

For movies you should see, we use edible bananas.






For movies better left unseen, we use bananas better left uneaten.